After the initial honeymoon phase, many couples find that the spark has fizzled out and struggle to keep the love alive. Are you in a similar situation?
Don’t lose hope! The good news is that there are actionable ways to create more love after marriage and reignite the flame that brought you together in the first place.
Remember, creating more love after marriage takes effort and commitment, but it’s not impossible! Today, you’ll learn how to do that with these simple tips!
1. Be Selfish!
Why do flight attendants tell you to put on your oxygen mask before helping others in an emergency?
Because when you run out of oxygen, you won’t be able to help anyone else.
The same goes for your marriage. No one can pour from an empty cup. No one.
Prioritizing your own needs can help you become a better wife in the long run. When you are happy and content, you are better equipped to give love and support to your husband.
Plus, you are setting an example for your husband and family that self-care is important.
If you feel guilty every time you prioritize your needs, you’re not alone!
A lot of wives feel the same. You always put your family first and yourself last.
However, being selfish is essential for maintaining a healthy and happy relationship after marriage. So here are some tips to be selfish as a wife without feeling guilty:
- Prioritize self-care
Make time for activities that you enjoy, whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or taking a long bath. This will help you recharge and show up as the best self in your marriage.
- Set boundaries
Learn to say no when you need to. This helps you avoid overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed.
- Delegate responsibilities
Share household chores and parenting duties with your husband or family members. Doing so will help you free up time and reduce stress.
- Take time for yourself
Plan a solo trip or monthly getaway. Taking time for yourself will help you recharge and come back to your marriage with renewed energy
Here’s a checklist you can use as a daily guide to help you analyze whether you’re being a selfish wife or not. Copy and print it out. Post it on your desk or save a copy on your phone!
The Selfish Wife Checklist
- Are you taking time for yourself, engaging in activities that you enjoy and that make you happy?
- Are you setting healthy boundaries with your family, such as saying no to things you don’t like?
- Are you communicating your needs and desires to your husband clearly and assertively?
- Are you delegating responsibilities and sharing household chores and parenting duties with your husband?
- Are you taking care of your physical health, such as getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating a healthy diet?
- Are you taking care of your mental and emotional health, such as seeking support and practicing self-compassion?
- Are you allowing yourself to make mistakes and not holding yourself to impossible standards?
- Are you being honest with yourself about what you want and need in your marriage and actively working towards achieving those goals?
- Are you treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times?
Keep track of your progress by sharing it with our Facebook community. Which items you’re nailing or missing?
2. Deal with Your Exes!
Are you carrying baggage from your past? One of the biggest things that can get in the way of a marriage is the weight of your past.
It can be from your past relationship or even your childhood.
You may be carrying around some hurt or disappointment from a past relationship or maybe even resentment or anger. These negative emotions are stopping you from fully trusting your husband.
Or you have a childhood trauma of not being good enough, which stops you from being a confident wife.
They say the past is past, but if it’s still affecting your emotions and decisions, then deal with it first.
But how do you do that? Try these tips to free yourself from the pain of past grievances and improve love after marriage:
- Meditation – helps you gain a sense of perspective and reduce feelings of anxiety or stress. Check out Hypno-Journey!
- Exercise – helps to improve mood and reduce negative emotions.
- Creative pursuits – such as writing, painting, or music, can be a therapeutic way to process and express emotions.
- Coaching or therapy – offer support, guidance, and new perspectives that can help you process your emotions and move forward.
Let us know how you did and which tips work best for you!
3. Don’t Be a Wilting Flower!
Identify and communicate your needs. If you don’t express your needs in your marriage, you’ll end up like a plant without water—wilted, thirsty, and eventually dead.
So don’t be a wilting flower! Speak up and let your husband know what you need to thrive in your marriage!
One of the biggest challenges facing married couples is understanding each other’s needs. This can lead to frustration and disappointment when things don’t turn out how you had hoped they would.
Knowing what makes you happy and why it makes you happy will help your husband give you what you want.
Remember, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
Here are two tips on how you can easily communicate your needs:
- Believe that you deserve to receive
You are a valuable and deserving wife! When you know that you deserve what you want, it becomes easier for you to communicate your needs effectively.
- Be specific
This can help your husband understand exactly what you’re looking for and how he can help.
‘I would love it if we could have a date night every other week’
Instead of this:
‘We never spend any quality time together.’
Does this work? Let us know how communication makes a difference in your marriage!
4. Don’t Expect a Fairy Tale
But isn’t a marriage supposed to be like a fairy tale?
Well, no—and that’s okay.
You may have expected your husband to always be romantic and sweep you off your feet, but in reality, he may not be naturally inclined towards grand gestures. This may mean he has a different love language, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
Or you may have expected your marriage to be free of conflict and disagreements, but in reality, every relationship has its ups and downs.
A successful marriage isn’t a fairy tale but can be a fulfilling and rewarding partnership. Now that’s more sustainable!
What are your fairytale-like expectations? Create your list of expectations vs. reality marriage edition! This will help you analyze and improve your thoughts.
5. Don’t Miss Out on the Sweet Ones
It’s easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of your marriage – the arguments, disagreements, and challenges that come with any relationship.
But marriage is like a box of chocolates. If you only focus on the bitter ones, you’ll miss out on the sweet ones!
If you constantly see the negative side of things, there’s one thing you can do to change your perspective:
By doing this regularly, you can shift your focus from the negative to the positive. You begin to see the good in even the most challenging situations.
The simplest way to do this is to keep a gratitude journal.
You can use your phone or a pen and paper. Each day, write down three things (or more) that you are grateful for. These can be big or small, from a beautiful sunset to a kind word from your husband.
Read it over whenever you’re feeling down. You’ll be amazed at how many things to be grateful for. You just have to take time out of each day to appreciate what’s around you.
6. Buckle Up for Adventures!
When you got married, you may have had a shared vision for your future together. However, as time passes, it’s easy to fall into a routine and lose sight of those goals.
You may already have different priorities and values, or you’re both busy that it’s difficult to find time to sit down together and discuss your goals.
But you can shake things up! Look for areas where your goals overlap, and focus on those areas to build momentum.
Set aside a specific time each week or month to discuss your goals and progress, and hold yourselves accountable for following through. Put it on your calendar!
When you have shared goals and adventures, it strengthens your bond as a couple and creates a sense of unity and purpose. They give you something new to talk about with your husband.
You can support each other through the challenges and celebrate together when you achieve your goals.
Here are some ideas:
- Save for an emergency fund.
- Set fitness goals and exercise together.
- Encourage each other to pursue continuing education and professional development.
- Read books or take courses on personal development topics together.
- Learn a new language together.
- Try meditation or yoga.
- Trip to your dream destination.
- Watch your favorite artists perform.
- Try new food!
7. Tune-Up Your Marriage!
A marriage tune-up is like a regular oil change for your car—it helps keep your relationship running smoothly. It’s not a quick fix but a long-term investment to improve love after marriage.
We’ve all had those days when we didn’t feel like spending time together or were too busy to connect. But those days can start to add up and make you feel disconnected from each other.
So how do you fix that? How to do a marriage tune-up?
Get help from a professional to:
- Help you identify areas of conflict preventing you from having the relationship you want.
- Help you identify your triggers and their roots.
- Help you release your baggage.
- Give you tools and scripts to communicate with each other effectively.
If you’re feeling like your marriage needs a tune-up, book a call with me. I can help you identify the strengths in your relationship and the areas where you could use some help. Book a call with me today, and let’s talk about how you can improve love after marriage.
YES! I am Interested in Manifesting My Dream Marriage!Book your Complimentary 15-minute “Marriage Roadmap” Call, where we will dig deeper into your current marriage challenges. Then I will give you a proven strategy that you can implement right away to get your marriage back on track.
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