It is scary when you recognize that your marriage is failing. But you are not alone. Many couples have been in your shoes and fully revived their marriage.
You may be feeling a stew of emotions right now, such as anger, sadness, resentment, and embarrassment.
The damage to your marriage may feel irreparable. It may feel like it is too broken, too far gone.
So how do you fix and save a broken marriage?
The process is not easy, but it is possible. And so rewarding. Through a proven process and understanding of how each person is showing up in the marriage, you can then start working on your marriage before it’s too late.
You can tackle your biggest marriage challenges by first acknowledging the issues, and then owning your part in the relationship breakdown.
This is when a marriage can be saved from the verge of divorce.
Ultimately, you are not ready to give up on your marriage, which is why you are here to find a strategy that will help you recover your failing marriage.
Before we go onto the steps of how to fix a broken marriage, we must first understand where to start restoring a broken marriage.
And it is not what you think.
You didn’t just wake up one day and realized your marriage was in a bad place.
It has been days and years of pain that have brought you to now.
So with that said, fixing a marriage will start with YOU.
Give yourself some time to answer the following questions:
- What is my biggest marriage challenge?
- How does it make me feel?
- What is blocking this challenge from being fixed?
- What outcome do you desire to have for your marriage?
- What strategies have you used to try and fix your marriage?
- Have you put in my best effort to fix your marriage?
Once you have looked at the answers, it is time for…
A Radical Shift in Mindset
So the good news is that if you are willing to put effort into rescuing your marriage, you have most likely already started the mindset shift.
The purpose of changing your mindset is to help you break the cycle of an unhappy relationship dynamic so that you can feel happier.
Taking responsibility for your part in the conflict, communication breakdown or lack of trust is the starting point. If one spouse is willing to do this, then a marriage can be restored.
Many couples play the blame game and don’t take ownership for their contributions, which will further erode the marriage. And overtime, this kind of pattern will create a vicious cycle of resentment, frustration, and anger.
Look at the Research
Next, practicing what Dr. John Gottman calls emotional attunement can help you stay connected with your husband in spite of your differences. This means “turning toward” one another, listening, and showing empathy rather than “turning away.” Dr. Gottman recommends a 5:1 ratio of interactions, which means for every negative interaction, you need five positive ones. Dr. Gottman’s 40 years of research with thousands of couples state that the “secret weapon” for healing marriages is the emotional intelligence of the couples.
Challenge Every Belief
Now that you have looked inward, it is time to implement the strategies that will save a marriage. And I recommend analyzing each trigger that you encounter.
A trigger comes from someone else’s words, actions, or even your own thoughts. And with each trigger comes an unwanted emotion such as anger, doubt, fear, and many others. Once you start to notice your triggers, you will then need to challenge your beliefs that arise from the trigger. For example, if your partner says, “Why did you not take out the garbage?”. This comment may produce the feeling of resentment. And it may feel like your partner’s words are indirectly telling you that you are not good enough, or that he doesn’t love you.
So what do you do with your interruption of his comment? You ask yourself some more questions. For example, “is that what my partner is really saying? Or am I reading into his words and actions?” It is recommended that you ask your partner follow-up questions to ensure you have extracted the correct meaning from your interaction.
Power of the Pause
This strategy is a game changer. Some experts refer to this as active listening. Essentially, you need to listen to your partner’s side of the story, then pause.
The pause allows you to hold space for them. Your partner will feel heard and respected. Next, ask open-ended questions. Then pause a second time for the response. There is power in that pause. With each pause, you are indirectly saying that you understand and hear them.
And with open-ended questions, you can foster deeper conversations that go beyond “yes and no”.
The next time you have a disagreement with him, stop second-guessing and examine your own responses. Instead of shutting down or becoming critical, adopt a resilient mindset and work on ways you can repair your relationship and get back on track.
Set a Communication Intention.
Each thing you say should come from a place of kindness and love. So set an intention that will guide everything you say and do in your marriage. For example, your communication intention could be – “I will only say kind things that are solutions-based, and intuitively come from a place of love.”
Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is for yourself and for your partner. By giving forgiveness you are no longer holding onto negative emotions like resent and shame. Remember you are on the same team. Accept that people do the best they can with what they know. It is understandable that you might feel hurt, frustrated, resentful, or rejected if you perceive.
Now implement those strategies, or even better, look into hiring a coach or therapist to keep you accountable. It may feel like a lot to save a marriage, but given time and your effort to heal your broken relationship will reward you, ultimately restoring your marriage.
YES! I want to SAVE MY MARRIAGE
Book your Complimentary 15 minute “Marriage Roadmap” Call where we will dig deeper into your current marriage challenges. Then I will give you a proven strategy that you can implement right away to get your marriage back on track.
If you can’t book a call at this time, you can DOWNLOAD the FREE GUIDE- 3 Proven Ways to Save a Marriage. Click Here
