How to Grow Love in Your Marriage

How to Grow Love in Your Marriage

Like any garden, marriage requires nurturing and care to flourish. It needs attention, patience, and the right strategies to thrive. In this blog, we’ll explore insights and practical advice to help you grow and sustain the love in your marriage. 

Whether you’re newlyweds or have been together for decades, these tips and strategies can help you strengthen your connection and create a more loving and fulfilling partnership. Read on!

9 Practical Ways to Grow Love in Your Marriage

Save these tips, start doing them today, and watch your love in your marriage grow!

1. Heal Your Pain and Resentment

Think of it like tending to a garden; you must remove the weeds before planting new seeds. You may be holding onto resentment due to unmet expectations in your marriage. You may be feeling unappreciated for your contributions to the household. 

By healing this resentment, you can express your needs and feelings to your spouse openly. This vulnerability can rekindle the emotional connection in your marriage.

When you no longer carry the weight of resentment, you may find it easier to be physically affectionate and emotionally connected, which is crucial for a loving, passionate relationship.

That’s why healing your pain and resentment is something you shouldn’t skip. Here are six common emotions that you need to start healing today:

Not Feeling Enough

It’s common for women to carry the weight of not feeling “good enough” for their spouse. This might stem from personal insecurities or childhood experiences. 

For example, if you’ve struggled with self-esteem issues because your classmates were bullying you, it may unknowingly affect your confidence even in marriage. 

Therefore, addressing this inner pain is a crucial step. It involves recognizing your worth and acknowledging that you are deserving of love.

Not Feeling Loved

If you’re experiencing a lack of emotional connection and feeling unloved in your marriage, it can be deeply hurtful. Perhaps you’ve been longing for affection or affirmation from your partner because you lost your loved ones in the past.

Feeling Like a Failure

Feelings of failure can result from unmet expectations or past mistakes. For instance, you’ve faced challenges or disappointments in your marriage. 

Let’s say you’ve struggled with a failed business venture, and this failure has taken a toll on your self-esteem, making you feel like you’re not providing enough for your family. 


Guilt can be a heavy burden, especially when it’s related to actions or decisions within the marriage. If you’ve carried guilt for any reason, it’s crucial to address it. 

For instance, suppose you had an affair in the past and deeply regret it. This guilt may linger and affect your self-image. 

People-Pleasing Behavior

Some individuals adopt a people-pleasing behavior pattern in their marriage, always prioritizing their partner’s needs over their own. This might have roots in your upbringing, where you were conditioned to prioritize others’ needs over your own. 

For example, if you were raised in a family where your parents always expected you to put their needs first, you might continue this pattern in your marriage.

Fear of Conflict

The fear of conflict can lead to suppressed feelings and unresolved issues in a marriage. It can result from past experiences of heated arguments or emotional harm. Let’s say you witnessed your parents’ constant yelling matches during your childhood, which created a lasting fear of confrontation. 

Healing these emotions is important so you can work towards a more loving and harmonious partnership.

One effective method is Hypno-Journey. It is a deep meditation designed to help women explore their emotions and release pent-up feelings that may be contributing to their pain and resentment. 

2. The Power of Self-Love

Think of it as the foundation upon which a strong relationship is built. Just like a tree needs deep roots to stand tall, your marriage needs a strong sense of self-love to flourish. 

For example, if you prioritize self-care and self-compassion, you’ll be in a better place to offer love and support to your spouse. 

It’s a bit like the inflight safety advice on an airplane: You need to secure your oxygen mask before assisting others. 

When you prioritize self-love, it can lead to increased self-esteem and confidence, which, in turn, can make you a more loving and secure partner. 

Imagine a garden where each plant is well-nourished; it creates a more vibrant and harmonious ecosystem. 

Similarly, practicing self-love can contribute to a healthier, more loving marriage where both partners can thrive and grow together.

Here are some practical steps you can take:

Self-Care Rituals

Dedicate time to self-care activities that rejuvenate you. This can include anything from taking long baths, reading a book, going for a walk, practicing yoga, or enjoying a hobby you love. By prioritizing self-care, you’ll recharge your emotional batteries and be better equipped to show love to your spouse.

Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries that respect your needs and priorities. Communicate openly with your partner about your boundaries to ensure that you have the space and time for self-care and personal growth. Healthy boundaries help prevent burnout and resentment.

Positive Self-Talk

Be mindful of your inner dialogue. Replace self-criticism and negativity with self-affirmation and self-compassion. Recognize your worth and acknowledge your strengths. This positive mindset can boost your self-esteem and overall happiness.

Seek Support

Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist if needed. Talking to someone about your feelings and challenges can provide valuable insights and emotional support. It’s a sign of strength to seek help when necessary.

Pursue Personal Goals

Continue to pursue your individual goals and passions. Whether it’s a career aspiration, a creative endeavor, or personal growth, investing in your growth and happiness can make you a more fulfilled and confident partner in your marriage.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present, reduce stress, and improve your emotional well-being. These practices can enable you better to handle conflicts and challenging situations within your marriage.

Appreciate Yourself

Take time to acknowledge your accomplishments and qualities. Celebrate success, no matter how small it may seem. Self-appreciation builds self-love and self-worth.

Counseling or Workshops

Consider participating in couples’ counseling or workshops focused on self-love and self-improvement. These resources can provide guidance and tools for both you and your spouse to grow individually and as a couple.

Express Your Needs

Openly communicate your emotional needs to your spouse. Let him know how he can support your journey to self-love.

Lead by Example

As you nurture self-love, you’ll naturally set an example for your spouse, encouraging him to prioritize self-love and self-care as well. 

3. Amplify Positivity

It’s like adding sunshine to your relationship — it brightens everything. For instance, take a moment each day to reflect on the little things you appreciate about your spouse. 

It could be something as simple as his smile or the way he makes your morning coffee. 

When you express gratitude for these moments, it creates a positive atmosphere in your marriage. It’s like planting seeds of love and watching them bloom. 

Additionally, sharing your gratitude with your spouse makes him feel cherished and encourages him to reciprocate. It becomes a beautiful cycle of love and appreciation, strengthening your connection in ways you may not have imagined. 

So, remember, by practicing daily gratitude, you’re sowing the seeds of love and positivity that can transform your marriage into a thriving garden of affection and happiness.

4. Let Go of Control

Letting go of control can be a powerful step in growing love within your marriage. Think of it as allowing a garden to flourish naturally rather than micromanaging every plant. 

For instance, if you find yourself always wanting things done your way, it can create tension and resentment. 

Consider a situation where you’ve been stubborn about organizing family events a certain way, but your spouse has different ideas. By letting go of control and embracing flexibility, you open the door to compromise and collaboration. 

This can lead to a more harmonious partnership where both of you feel valued and respected. It’s like allowing each flower in your garden to bloom in its unique way. 

Ultimately, letting go of control can lead to a more loving and peaceful marriage, where trust and understanding can thrive, just as a well-tended garden flourishes when given the space to grow naturally.

But why do we sometimes feel the need to be controlling in our relationships? Let’s differentiate between being in control and controlling. 

Being in control means managing your actions, emotions, and responses, which is healthy and necessary for personal growth. 

On the other hand, controlling involves trying to dominate or micromanage every aspect of your spouse’s life or the relationship itself. For example, if you find yourself constantly dictating your partner’s choices, like what they wear or who they spend time with, it might be a sign of controlling behavior. 

Understanding the difference allows you to make better choices to encourage trust and mutual respect in your marriage.  

5. Focus on the Present

Are you always in a hurry? Always thinking ahead and not living in the moment? Focusing on the present is like taking a stroll through a garden, enjoying the beauty around you without rushing to the next destination. 

Let’s say you’ve been preoccupied with work or outside commitments, often distracted when spending time with your spouse. By making a conscious effort to be present, you can truly connect on a deeper level. 

Picture an evening when you both put away your devices, sit down together, and have a heartfelt conversation, or simply enjoy a quiet moment. When you’re fully engaged in the present, you send a powerful message of love and prioritization to your partner. 

This can lead to a more loving and meaningful marriage, where you both cherish the moments you share, much like a gardener tending to their most treasured blossoms.

6. Release Negative Attachments

Negative attachments in a marriage can take various forms, and they typically involve holding onto harmful emotions, beliefs, or behaviors that hinder the growth of love and harmony within the relationship. 

Releasing them helps you create space for acceptance, forgiveness, and a deeper connection with your husband. 

Here are some common negative attachments in marriages:

  • Resentment

Holding onto past grievances or unresolved conflicts can lead to resentment. This negativity can fester and create a barrier to love and intimacy.

  • Unrealistic Expectations

Expecting your spouse to meet unrealistic standards or fulfill all your emotional needs can lead to disappointment and frustration. This attachment to unattainable ideals can strain the relationship.

  • Jealousy

Excessive jealousy and possessiveness can erode trust and create a toxic atmosphere within the marriage.

  • Insecurity

Feeling constantly insecure about your partner’s love or commitment can lead to clinginess, neediness, and emotional dependence, which can be detrimental to a healthy marriage.

  • Blame and Criticism

Constantly blaming or criticizing your spouse can create a negative cycle of defensiveness and conflict, making it challenging for love to thrive.

  • Guilt and Shame

Holding onto guilt or shame from past mistakes, whether your own or your partner’s, can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors and emotional distancing.

  • Grudges

Keeping a mental tally of perceived wrongdoings and refusing to forgive or let go of past mistakes can poison the marital bond.

  • Lack of Communication

Withholding thoughts and emotions, or avoiding difficult conversations, can lead to emotional detachment and hinder emotional intimacy.

  • Comparison to Others

Constantly comparing your spouse to others, whether it’s their appearance, success, or behavior, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.

  • Control Issues

An excessive need for control, whether in decision-making or daily activities, can suppress your partner’s freedom and create tension.

7. Radiate Love and Energy

Radiating love and positive energy is like inviting fire into your home, drawing everyone closer with its glow. 

Imagine a day when you wake up with a heart full of love, and you genuinely express that love to your spouse through kind words, affectionate gestures, or simply being present and attentive. 

Your positive energy becomes like a magnet, drawing your partner closer to you. It’s as if you’ve ignited a spark that kindles a sense of warmth and security in your relationship.

Positive energy is infectious because it has a ripple effect. When you approach your marriage with a loving and positive attitude, your partner is more likely to reciprocate, creating a feedback loop of affection and joy

Your positivity can inspire your spouse to be more open, communicative, and affectionate in return.

Consider it as the domino effect: one positive gesture or attitude can set off a chain reaction of love and happiness in your marriage. 

It’s like spreading seeds of love throughout your garden, and as they take root and grow, they multiply, filling your relationship with a lush, vibrant, and enduring love that continues to thrive and spread.

8. Happiness is an Inside Job

This suggests that genuine happiness and contentment should primarily come from within yourself rather than relying solely on external factors or your partner to fulfill your emotional needs. 

This concept emphasizes the importance of personal growth, self-awareness, and emotional well-being as foundational elements for a thriving marriage.

Imagine your inner happiness as the soil in which your relationship with your spouse grows. Just as a garden flourishes when the soil is rich and well-nourished, your marriage thrives when you prioritize your emotional health. 

When you are content and fulfilled on the inside, you bring a sense of peace and positivity into your relationship, creating a more loving and harmonious atmosphere.

Now, consider a scenario where you’ve been working on your happiness through activities like mindfulness, pursuing your passions, and practicing self-compassion. 

You’re nurturing the soil of your inner garden. As a result, you approach your marriage with a sense of completeness rather than seeking external validation or relying on your partner to make you happy. 

Go back to item number 2 above if this is challenging for you.

9. Get Professional Guidance

Seeking professional guidance is like enlisting an experienced gardener to help your garden thrive. If you’ve noticed persistent issues in your marriage, such as communication breakdowns or unresolved conflicts, a marriage coach can provide valuable insights and tools to address these challenges effectively. 

Consulting an expert to identify the best care regimen for your garden’s unique needs, just like in marriage, will save you tons of time, emotions, and energy.  

It’s a proactive step toward nurturing the love in your marriage, much like investing in a gardening expert who ensures your garden flourishes with expert care and attention. 

Instead of doing it your way, without proper guidance, and risking years of your marriage with trial and error, why not talk to a professional who already has helped women like you?

I’ve seen it happen over and over again with my clients—they spent years waiting for their husbands to change while unconsciously pushing them away by nagging and shouting every day. 

Let me help you take the first step by pointing out the root cause of fights and disagreements in your marriage. You too, can grow love in your marriage by getting a clear plan of what to do next. Do that by booking a call with me today!


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Beth Miller

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