Save My Marriage

How to Save My Marriage When It Seems Hopeless

It’s hard to admit, but you probably feel like your marriage is hopeless, and you are now watching it fall apart. You’ve been trying to save it for so long, and nothing seems to work. If this is you, listen up: there is hope for your marriage! 

We’ll share some ‘how to save my marriage’ tips even when it seems hopeless so that you can have the healthy relationship you deserve!

What Makes a Marriage Worth Saving?

Before we get into ways to ‘save my marriage’, let’s talk about your WHY. It is important to know “why” you want your marriage to work and “why” your marriage is worth saving in the first place.

Think about all of the things you love about your spouse. Maybe it’s his sense of humor or how he always makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. Maybe it’s how good of a Dad he is and how much he loves the kids.

If you can remember those simple things, then it will be easier to find them again and make your marriage worth saving.

How to Save My Marriage That Seems Hopeless?

Marriage isn’t easy. It takes a lot of work. If you’ve been feeling like your marriage isn’t working, but you’re not sure where to start, we’re here to help. Here are 15 tips on how to save my marriage when it seems hopeless:

1: Become a better version of yourself.

This is probably one of the most common mistakes people make when saving their marriages.

2: Take responsibility for your actions and emotions.

It is easy to blame others for your sadness. When you take responsibility, you can be honest with yourself about how you are contributing to the problem and how you might be able to fix it.

This means taking ownership of what you say and do—and how it impacts your spouse. 

You can’t control another person’s behavior or emotions, but YOU can take responsibility for YOURSELF.

3: Identify and address any negative patterns you have in your relationship.

Have you ever noticed that some of your negative patterns are hurting your relationship? Don’t worry! You can do something about it. 

If you can identify these patterns and work on them, it will be much easier for you to move forward and improve the quality of your marriage.

Negative patterns can include:

  • Making assumptions about your partner’s intentions or motives
  • Being overly critical or judgmental toward your partner
  • Looking for ways to blame your spouse
  • Being passive-aggressive 

These negative patterns in your relationship can be a real problem, but they’re also opportunities to learn and grow as a couple. Once you identify these patterns, here’s what you can do to address them:

  • Ask

Instead of assuming your spouse is doing something wrong on purpose, try asking him about it. Looking at things from his point of view can help you understand what he is thinking and feeling.

  • Empathize 

This can help you step outside of yourself and see things from his perspective.

  • Communicate 

Try talking about what happened and why it made you feel the way that it did. Express your feelings directly. You may be surprised at how much relief comes from a simple act of communication.

  • Understand

By understanding what’s going on, you can work together as a team instead of against each other.

4: Express your feelings and concerns.

It can be tempting to just shut down and hope things get better on their own. But this isn’t going to help.

Take time alone with your spouse and discuss what’s on your mind. This can help you identify what’s causing trouble in your marriage so that you can constructively address those issues.

Your marriage will be easier to move past any issues if you are open about your feelings, thoughts, and concerns.

Here are some tips:

✔ Try expressing yourself in writing first 

It can feel safer than saying these things out loud right away. 

✔ Be clear and direct

Straightforwardly express your thoughts and emotions.

✔ Avoid judgment

Speak in a non-threatening and non-judgmental tone.

✔ Remain calm

✔ Find common ground

Look for ways to find common understanding and agreement.

✔ Seek support

5: Be open and transparent.

It’s common for people to think that talking about their problems with their spouse will only make things worse, but arguments need to happen to get past this issue and move forward as a stronger couple. This is one of the most powerful ways to save a marriage. So, if you have something on your mind, talk to your spouse about it!

Yes, it’s easy to get defensive. But if you really want to save your marriage, you have to be willing to let go of any feelings of being attacked or misunderstood. You have to be willing to look at yourself honestly—and then work on them together with your spouse.

6: Set realistic expectations.

When you understand and accept each other’s limitations, you are less likely to have unrealistic expectations.

This means you can focus on what is truly important rather than being frustrated by unmet desires.

When expectations are reasonable, you are more likely to feel satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship as you understand what to expect from each other.

7: Take time to understand each other’s needs and wants.

This can be difficult, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If you can learn to see things from your spouse’s perspective, you’ll understand how best to show your love and support.

Don’t know how to uncover his needs? Try these tips:

  • Communicate regularly
  • Pay attention to nonverbal cues
  • Ask for their opinions and preferences
  • Avoid assumptions and validate their experiences
  • Be open-minded and flexible

8: Actively listen to your partner’s perspective.

Partners who can hear each other out and share their opinions are more likely to be able to resolve their differences.

Listening involves putting aside your own thoughts and opinions while focusing on understanding the other person’s point of view.

9: Do not compete with your partner.

Competing with your spouse is a recipe for disaster. It will only cause you to undermine and be angry with each other. If you want to save your marriage, be his number-one fan!

Instead, have healthy competition with your spouse. This can help to strengthen your relationship by promoting personal growth, encouraging teamwork, and fostering a sense of shared achievement. 

To ensure that competition remains healthy, set clear rules and boundaries, focus on improvement and personal growth, offer support and encouragement, celebrate each other’s successes, and avoid comparisons. 

Healthy competition should foster mutual respect and support and encourage both partners to grow and improve.

Often women will put on a brave face after their husband cheats. They try to keep it together but can’t trust a thing he says or does. 

This is why you need to heal the pain and hurt first. Once you heal from the pain and hurt, then you can set healthy boundaries and listen to your intuition again. Often intuition gets shattered because of the lies. Your intuition was saying something was wrong, but your hubby would keep denying it. 

10: Use the power of compliments and gratitude.

The power of compliments and gratitude can be an amazing asset in your marriage. Use these two simple tools to strengthen the bond between you and your spouse.

Compliments will make your spouse feel good about himself and make him feel better about you. When giving compliments, make sure that they are sincere and specific.

Don’t just tell your spouse that he’s wonderful—tell him why! Tell him about a time when you were inspired or made to feel loved by his actions.

It’s also important to practice gratitude with each other. When one of you says something nice or helpful, thank them! It helps reinforce the behavior that makes your relationship work: kindness, supportiveness, and consideration for each other’s needs and wants.

11: Take time to do things together.

That’s the only way for you to know what your issues are. It allows you to get a better sense of how you relate to each other, and it helps you understand what’s missing in your marriage—or what needs to change.

Time spent together nurtures a marriage. This can be anything from going on dates, planning trips or holidays together, and even having regular catch-up with friends over coffee or tea.

12: Work on rebuilding intimacy.

Intimacy is the feeling of closeness and connection you share with your partner. It is built over time through shared experiences, trust, and respect. But when your marriage begins to fall apart, intimacy can be one of the first things to go out the window. 

It’s easy to become so focused on fixing other elements of your marriage that you forget the importance of keeping your connection strong.

Many things can contribute to low levels of intimacy in marriage—stress at work or home, financial problems, health issues—but they’re all solvable if you put in the effort! Try out our how to save my ‘marriage intimacy building’ tips:

  1. Plan a date night regularly
  2. Foster mutual interests
  3. Show your affection
  4. Surprise each other with small gestures
  5. Write love letters to each other.

13: Rekindle your love for each other.

Start by looking back on good times. 

What were some of the things that made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place? What did he do to make you fall head over heels? Try and remember those things. 

Take a few minutes every day, and list down the reasons why you love your spouse. You can even keep reading over it whenever you need it! You’ll feel so much better knowing that there are still things about each other that bring joy into your lives!

14: Consult a marriage coach you can trust.

It’s hard to know where to turn when your marriage is in trouble, but it’s even harder when you don’t feel like anyone will understand what you’re going through.

If you’re still feeling alone and lost after the ‘how to save my marriage tips’ that we shared, don’t hesitate to seek help. A marriage coach can help and is professionally trained to guide you. You need a marriage coach who can give you objective advice without all the emotion and baggage that’s currently getting in your way.

Don’t wait any longer to get the help you need. Start saving your marriage today! Book a call now.

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