Should I Read All the Affair Messages

Should I Read All the Affair Messages?

Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful is a horribly traumatic event that shatters many aspects of one’s life! 

During those first weeks many spouses are on a TRUTH SEEKING HUNT.  They desire to understand the story and details of what happened and how it happened.  This information can be an essential part of the recovery from that trauma. 

In many cases, the betrayed partner’s demand for information isn’t met with full openness!  And ironically if the spouse is open and honest about all the details, often the betrayed spouse doesn’t believe the information, thinking there must be more to the story. So in this situation, reading the details helps vet the partner’s affair story!

Before deciding to read all the affair messages, let’s dig a bit deeper into the reason(s) for wanting to read the messages. The reasons will help you prepare.   

So how do you decide how much information and details you need to start healing the trauma?

Try answering these questions!

1. Why do I want to read the messages? 

2. Will reading the messages help with your healing? Will reading help you rebuild trust? 

3. How much information do I want to know? Every detail?

4. What is the worst case scenario of what I might read? And can I handle it? 

Based on these answers, you will have a clearer understanding if NOW is the right time to read the messages.

And if NOW is not the right time, it doesn’t mean that you will never be READY to read them in the future.  There is no timeline of wanting to read the messages. 


I would suggest going through this process with the support of a Relationship Therapist or Marriage Coach to help process the information that is discovered and the emotions that arise with the information.

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