Having kids put a huge strain on my marriage. Weeks into being new parents, I felt like I was stuck at home with a baby who didn’t sleep well and a postpartum body.
My son had trouble gaining weight and he wouldn’t take a bottle. Since breastfeeding was his main source for nutrition, I could only escape for an hour or two!
I would start arguments by stating “It’s not fair… I never get a break! You can go golfing whenever you want!” I didn’t feel appreciated for all the sacrifices I was making as a new mom, as I felt like my life had been flipped upside down.
Fast forward 4-years, 2-more kids! And our discussions would get ridiculously blown out of proportion! And unfortunately, sometimes in front of the kids.
Afterwards, I would be plagued with mom guilt.
And I worried about the impact that fighting in front of them would have on their future understanding of healthy relationships and conflict resolution?
Typically when couples fight it involves high emotions, little jabs at each others character and uncomfortable tones for children.
These types of arguments shouldn’t happen infront of your kids.
However, sometimes it happens.
So here is the thing, if you just pretend like nothing wrong happened between you and your husband, then your kids will be left feeling confused, upset, sad, and lonely.
So here are 3 things to do after fighting in front of your kids.
- Ask Your Children This-
What are you feeling right now? When your children can identify the emotions that they are feeling, it helps them understand their needs. Be sure to explain to them that feelings are a way for your body to communicate what it needs. For example- “How does it make you feel when you hear mommy & daddy talking loudly to each other?” When children can understand their emotions, it will help them build and trust their intuition as adults. As adults they will be able to identify what they need based on how they feel.
- Own & Out Your Mistakes
Facing your mistake head-on is the best thing you can do in front of your kids. Explaining to them what you did well and didn’t do well when communicating with your husband will serve as valuable lessons for your kids. You and your partner are their number one role models when it comes to romantic relationships. So explaining what are healthy and unhealthy relationship traits is extremely important so that they can create healthy attachments and communicate well with their future partners.
- Go Inward-
The root source of most couples’ arguments is not actually what is happening at that moment. For example, it was never truly about my husband “not helping more” or “going golfing”. Here is why, I was actually feeling jealous, out of control, and I projected these feelings onto him. By re-parenting my beliefs about “receiving help”and “feeling loved” I was able to transform my marriage. And we can thank the power of Neuroscience and Psychology for this. The plasticity of the brain is why so many women make incredible transformations within their relationships, which trickles down into all other aspects of their life.
My marriage (along with MANY other women’s marriages) have transformed into loving relationships filled with happiness, trust and love.
And now….I am ready to give you the powerful and profound tools to 100% shift your life & bring your wildest dreams into reality.
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