Simultaneously Wanting to Leave Your Marriage, Yet Wanting to Make It Work!

Simultaneously Wanting to Leave Your Marriage, Yet Wanting to Make It Work!

Knowing when to walk away from your marriage is one of the most difficult decisions out there.

Marriage is so much more than 2 people!  It is your life, your memories, your kids and your fiances all rolled into one!  It is far from a simple decision.

Deciding whether to file for divorce or to keep working on your marriage involves an exploration into your soul!  

SAVING A MARRIAGE is not always possible!  And the reason… you can’t control what the other partner does!

But what is a guarantee is that you can get to the place where you have the crystal clear vision of whether to STAY or GO!

Asking yourself- What do you want (in this stage of your life)?  How do you want to be treated?  How do you want to feel each day?

NOTE- the information provided in this blog pertains to healthy marriages that do not involve abuse or addictions.  OK- back to the blog 🙂

So here is the million dollar question-  HOW DO YOU DECIDE TO STAY OR GO? The jumping off point is you!  

Have you learned everything you need to from this marriage? 

And here is why I ask- Your partner is your greatest teacher, and your partner will mirror to you exactly what you need to work on. 

For example- if your partner’s words or actions trigger you to not feel good enough, low self-worth, like a boundary has been crossed, or you are people pleasing… then these are signs that you have MORE to learn from your MARRIAGE!

When you feel angry, resentful, frustrated (just to get started), this is your body’s way of communicating to you.

If only your body could say…. “You are really feeling the pain of being rejected by your mom, and it is resurfacing at this moment!”

If you can get curious and tune into your emotions, and dig into the root of why you feel this way, that is when you can deal with your past, and see your past from a lens of empowerment instead of victim.

Once you feel like your past is no longer resurfacing in your marriage, then you will feel lighter and happier.

It is not until this point that you can truly make a decision whether to stay and go.

Once you feel lighter and happier, often the relationship shifts!  You interact with your partner from your “whole-worthy” self.  The arguments end, the passive aggressive remarks diminish because you say what you want in a loving way.

Often at this point, your partner will sense your shift!  The cycle of unhealthy communication will end.

Your mindset is different!  You are confident and love yourself first!

You are taking responsibility for your feelings and understand that you are 100% in control of your happiness (and you know how to actually be happy)

You will appear safer to your partner and they will not feel as judged.  Therefore, they begin to open up!  The marriage naturally begins to shift and become easier.

However, if that doesn’t happen, you will start to see more clearly that this may be the end.

BUT… Sometimes this prevents you from leaving!.

You know you want to leave, but the fear is paralyzing.

What are you scared of?

So many women stay because they don’t want to split up the family or they don’t have the ability to support themselves financially.

Once you have come to the decision in your heart,  you must trust that you will be taken care of.  

But I am not saying end it and then everything will fall into place. It is at this point, that you can start making a plan about the logistics and what things might look like (seperation, housing, custody, finances etc.)

Overall, ending a marriage is a complex decision. 

Seek out advice- a marriage coach, a counselor, lawyer, trusted friends… but ultimately the decision and clarity must come from your heart.

YES! I am Ready to Save my Marriage!

Book your Complimentary 15 minute “Marriage Roadmap” call  where we will dig deeper into your current marriage challenges. Then I will give you a proven strategy that you can implement right away to get your marriage back on track.
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